• A man of means he played to win
    Instincts sharp and razor-thin.
    Watching the woman at his side.
    Her reckless eyes all bottle-bright
    A child untamed a bird in flight,
    A floating dreamer unmoored at high tide.

    Careful lines and compliments
    She cut her cards with confidence
    He sat back and watched her play the game
    He slowly let her win a few
    The stakes were higher than she knew
    She played well losing all the same.

    This is how the cards are laid
    And this is how the game is played
    Bets are placed and options weighed
    In the end all debts are paid

    By dawn the game was near its end
    One thing on the table and
    She held that last card close and she persisted.
    She bet it all her chips were stacked
    The last deal hinged upon the fact
    He didn’t even know the game existed.

    He knew.

    Spinning dreams of a future home
    From his tailored suit and French cologne
    Tangled fictions far removed from fact.
    Arriving back in time to feel
    What fantasy did not reveal
    Cheap sheets beneath her sweaty back

    Behind closed eyes imagining
    The plastic coated one-night-stand
    The familiar tarnished headboard of the bed.
    Former feet had worn a path
    To the bright fluorescent white-tiled bath
    The greasy pillow hard beneath her head.

    This is how the cards are laid
    And this is how the game is played
    Bets are placed and options weighed
    In the end all debts are paid

    She listened to his breathing slow
    In the darkness for one moment more
    Preparing for the ritual good-bye.
    In the darkness trying to ignore
    The echoes of the locking doors
    She knew so well would be there in his eyes.

    This is how the cards are laid
    And this is how the game is played
    Bets are placed and options weighed
    In the end all debts are paid

    This is how the cards are laid
    And this is how the game is played
    Bets are placed and options weighed
    In the end all debts are paid

  • Daddy liked his whiskey and mama like to fight
    Their child was born to squalor and flourished out of spite
    By twelve she knew the sorry truth, two wrongs can’t make a right
    Struck the match and locked the doors and sailed into the night

    Break the pots and sink the boats, respect the sudden urges
    Life is short, and fickle, it binges and it purges
    What you thought was living’s just a pattern that emerges
    And sweet's the air with curly smoke from all the burning bridges.

    Baiting her with ladybirds, and innocent blue eyes
    He caught her up into his wake, and took her for a ride
    Smiling while he tore the nets, and hooking her with lies
    But little girls he learned too late are devils in disguise

    Break the pots and sink the boats and swim down with the fishes
    Even when you thought she’d gone, you’ll find that she persisted
    Soot stains on her fingertips and metal in the ditches
    And sweet's the air with curly smoke from all the burning bridges.

    A man brought rings and pretty things, and all that they implied
    He bought the house, but didn’t bother coming home at night
    She sat among the pretty things while something in her died
    When morning came, she piled it up and set it all alight.

    Break the pots and sink the boats, this siren song bewitches
    Eventually it’s clear that love is only scratching itches
    Charred and burnt chantilly lace floating past the ridges
    And sweet's the air with curly smoke from all the burning bridges.

    When those pearls become a leash, they’ll tell you when to heel
    They’ll take you to the doctor, and they’ll tell you how to feel
    They’ll tell you what to wear each day, and when to take it off
    Call you names and bend the truth, and tell you that it’s love

    On the far side of forgiveness, washed up on the riverbank
    The current spitting up the things that other people lack
    Reflections on the rising tide from all that she had learned
    Horizon filling up with smoke from all that she had burned

    Break the pots and sink the boats, respect the sudden urges
    And sweets the air with curly smoke from all the burning bridges
    Break the pots and sink the boats and swim down with the fishes
    And sweets the air with curly smoke from all the burning bridges
    Break the pots and sink the boats, this siren song bewitches
    And sweets the air with curly smoke from all the burning bridges

  • Got the February blues
    There’s ice in my shoes
    You’ll have to excuse
    The length of my fuse

    But I get this way every February

    There was a time
    When the weather was fine
    Your love was sublime
    But it froze on the line
    Now I get this way every February

    We try over and over
    Keep getting it wrong
    You keep coming back
    I keep singing this song
    I’ve learned to let go
    So there’s something lef to hold onto

    It’s that spring day
    When winter gives way
    To the sunshine that burns
    All your troubles away
    When you know in your bones that it’s over

    I dreamed Spring had come
    Like it always had done
    But you followed the sun
    And left my heart numb
    But I get this way every February

    We try over and over
    Keep getting it wrong
    You keep coming back
    I keep singing this song
    I’ve learned to let go
    So there’s something left to hold onto

    It’s that spring day
    When winter gives way
    To the sunshine that burns
    All your troubles away
    When you know in your bones that it’s over

    Got the February blues
    There’s ice in my shoes
    You’ll have to excuse
    The length of my fuse
    But I get this way every February

  • Bat in a cave, cat up a tree
    Ticks on a dog, hive full of bees
    Spider in a web, waiting like I was
    Until there was you
    And I knew
    This one’s for me

    Ant in a hill, mole in the dirt
    Duck in a pond, camel on the desert
    Like a happy little pig in shhhhhhhh ….ssshhowers of mud
    I said
    This one’s for me

    Just like a cockroach crawling on the kitchen counter
    Like a snake in the sun, full of antelope
    Woodpecker beak-deep in a log full of bugs
    And me, in your arms, I’m home.

    Clam in a shell, Rabbits in a burrow
    Squirrel in a hole, Flies on the window
    A dam is for beavers and it’s what I said..
    When you lodged in my heart
    I said DAMN
    This one’s for me

    Just like a cockroach crawling on the kitchen counter
    Like a snake in the sun, full of antelope
    Woodpecker beak-deep in a log full of bugs
    And me, in your arms, I’m home.

    Cow in a field, fox in a lair
    Bird in a nest, den full of bears
    So many thousands
    Of fish in the sea
    But I know
    This one’s for me

  • Hobo Lump and Wrong Way Brown
    Were married just outside of town
    By a sky pilot called Amarillo Blue
    The wedding vows were old as time
    And every hobo worth his dime
    Has spoken these four lines before I do :

    May I always help you forward, all the days that I can count
    May I always do what’s right, and not just what I want
    May my love for you be greater than my need will ever be
    I love you just the way you are, and that’s okay with me

    The year was 1934
    And everyone was deadly poor
    A better life was further down the tracks
    The bride wore plaid, the groom a smile
    They carried rhubarb down the aisle
    And burned the bitter leaves to shed the past

    May I always help you forward, all the days that I can count
    May I always do what’s right, and not just what I want
    May my love for you be greater than my need will ever be
    I love you just the way you are, and that’s okay with me

    They went nineteen years
    A hundred thousand miles
    When Wrong Way’s last stop got called
    He pulled up with a smile.

    Hobo climbed back on the rails
    For all I know she rides them still
    Left Wrong Way’s body propped up near the tracks
    She left four cigarettes and a can of beer
    A note carved into a railway sleeper
    Wrong Way caught the westbound home from here

    May I always help you forward, all the days that I can count
    May I always do what’s right, and not just what I want
    May my love for you be greater than my need will ever be
    I love you just the way you are, and that’s okay with me.

  • 1975
    I’ll be right back, my mama said. I’m hungry.
    The train was creaking, just about to leave.
    There’s still time, she called, in bare feet from the platform
    I held her shoes and watched her order tea

    I was frozen to my seat as the train moved to the east
    And the tracks unfurled between us like a zipper
    I was eight years old and small, but I didn't cry at all
    Until the rising mountains finally hid her.

    There’s so much time, she said, the train won’t leave without me
    Life is long, she said, but it’s never long enough
    Mama please come home, all is forgiven
    If you’re left behind, remember that I loved you
    I’ll see you mama, further down the line

    1980
    An express train to the very north of Canada
    From Cochrane all the way to Moosonee
    A man we knew had lost his wife and daughter
    Mama thought it would be good for him and me,
    I spent the summer growing up, leeping in a drowned girl's bed
    Reading dirty magazines and eating loaves of bannock bread
    I played cards with him at night, while he held his bottle tight,
    Watched the lake, and prayed it might give up its dead.

    There’s so much time, he thought as they paddled home that day,
    Storm came up dark and fast, he’d been drinking’s what they say
    They were gone so quick, there was no way to save them
    Now he’s sitting on a platform with a bottle, left behind
    They’re still living in another state of mind

    1987
    Travelling from north to south as summer turned to fall
    The furthest from home I’d ever been
    The weeks turned into months as the borders passed
    Pulling that invisible cord thin

    Curled up in the corridors, dreaming endlessly of home
    An entire continent rumbled beneath me
    I woke up to the blinding view of brilliant Mediterranean Blue
    Took off my clothes and floated newborn in the warm and salted sea

    There’s so much time, I thought, I am young, the skies are open
    Drifting through the years on an endless tidal sea
    The longest distance that lies between two places
    Isn’t measured in the miles But in the minutes
    How did it get so late, so very soon?

    2015
    My mother’s feet were always itchy
    They might’ve walked her halfway to the moon
    As she passes through the years, I see her slowing
    One last trip with us, through memories of youth
    And I think that she’ll step off at a station ‘‘long the way
    She’ll tell us just a minute.. I’m still hungry
    And then out of the blue while my daughter holds her shoes
    Maybe mama will catch the next train home

    There’s so much time, she said, the train won’t leave without me
    Life is long, she said, but it’s never long enough
    Mama please come home, all is forgiven
    If you’re left behind, remember that we loved you
    I’ll see you mama, further down the line

  • He drinks like a fish, eats like a horse
    Chews like a goat and he's mine, of course ..
    He’s one tough cookie, the apple of my eye
    But with every nibble, he goes straight to my thighs ..

    Whoa! they're getting bigger with every passing day
    But still I belly up to that long buffet
    And just when I think we can't take another bite
    I catch him with his fingers in the huckleberry pie

    My friends say I have bitten off
    More than i can chew
    But I know he’s the one for me
    I mean just watch him play kazoo

    Smokes like a toaster with the crumbs left in
    Sings like a kettle full of bathtub gin
    Cuddles like an octopus with extra toes
    Makes me laugh so hard food comes out of my nose

    Unless I ask him nice he don’t tie me down
    When lovin’s on the menu he don’t fool around
    And when I finally think he's through
    He says he likes to have his cake and eat it too

    WHOA!

  • If I only had a single heart
    I wouldn’t have been free,
    To risk misery and heartache …
    but I was born with three.

    I didn’t lose the first one,
    You stole it from my chest,
    I heard it beat beneath your floorboards,
    Telling tales to frightened guests,

    I ran screaming from your doorway,
    Dropping arms like leaves,
    I left them writhing in my foaming wake,
    Desperate and bereaved,


    You snatched the second from my trembling hands,
    It shattered in the streets,
    I gathered up the pieces,
    But they made my fingers bleed

    Cross my heart,
    you’ll hope to die
    Stick a needle your

    eye

    Disappeared into cloud of rage,
    And found a hidden truth,
    If I give you my heart freely,
    It will mean the end of you.

    Your joy will be enormous,
    Life short and bittersweet,
    Your end will be ferocious,
    Torn to ribbons by my beak.

    My mind is in my fingertips,
    I’m built for these cold depths.
    I do a masterful impression,
    Of a woman loved to death,

    So take my final heart, my friend,
    The love it brings is fleeting,
    It will return to me intact.
    And it will still be beating

  • It feels like winter, never spring
    These wilted flowers that you bring
    You’re not my keeper, here’s the thing
    This honeybee is set to swing

    Now hold still, honey.. this might sting
    The hive is buzzing.. hear it sing
    You want my love, prepare for pain
    I’m a queen, don’t need no king

    You say you want to come inside.
    Hold on tight, it’s a hell of a ride
    The man before you nearly died
    Careful boy, don’t poke the hive

    Don’t bring me flowers, I’ve got lots
    Don’t write me love songs, I’m the boss
    Dip your finger, taste the sauce.
    Don’t need no sweets, I’m a honey pot.

    Don’t buy me rings, I’m made of gold.
    This drone of love notes leaves me cold
    If you’re thinking that I’ll fold
    You’ll still be waiting when you’re old

    If you swell up, boy, run to mama
    I’ve got no time for silly drama
    I’m busy buzzy royalty
    I’m Beautiful with a capital Bee.

    If you come near you’ll hear the sound
    That brings the boys from miles around
    I’m the queen, I wear the crown
    Your jealousy just brings me down

    I’m not playing hard to get
    I’ll walk away, no empty threat
    I wouldn’t even break a sweat
    So be good baby, don’t you fret.

    I see you down there on one knee
    While you’re down there.. well, you see
    When you’re done, I’ll set you free
    It’s such a shame you don’t agree

    Don’t treat me like I’m made of wax
    Cause this show has a second act
    I’m a woman with a past
    Stop blowing hot smoke up my a..

    Ask me no questions, because I’ll only lie
    If i give you my honey, boy, don’t stop to wonder why
    Put on that striped suit, and march in like a king
    When your time is up, you little pup
    You’ll find I’ve clipped your wings.

    Black and Yellow, round and fat
    Furry coats and pointed hats
    Democrats and Diplomats
    This royal party’s where it’s at

    I think you’ll learn to love the sting
    The hive is humming.. hear it swing
    You’ve had my love, you liked the pain
    A honeycomb like pure cocaine.

    Don’t bring me flowers, I’ve got lots
    Don’t write me love songs, I’m the boss
    Dip your finger, taste the sauce.
    Don’t need no sweets, I’m a honey pot.

    Honeybees don’t mate for life
    So hold on tight, it’s a hell of a ride
    I would have made a lousy wife
    Careful boy, don’t poke the hive

  • Maxine, The possum belly queen
    Shaking in the cold twilight
    A one-night stand,Lesser of two evils
    Warmth on a three dog night.

    Not my circus, Not my monkeys
    Mamas working down at the striptease
    Daddy’s drinking and watching the TV
    Not my circus, Not my monkeys

    His name was Floyd, he was unemployed
    A carnie out of Jacksonville.
    A one trick pony and a two-timing schemer
    As phony as a three-dollar bill

    Not my circus, Not my monkeys
    Night's as cold as a butcher's deep freeze
    Future's bleak as a brand new disease
    Not my circus, not my monkeys

    Floyd hunkered down when the circus left town
    Sleeping in Maxine's bed
    Gave her three black eyes
    Two broken ribs
    One bloody nose
    and a bruise shaped like the face of jesus

    Not my circus, Not my monkeys
    Maxine's working down at the striptease
    Floyd sits drinking and watching the TV
    Not my circus, Not my monkeys

    The year went black
    The carnival came back
    Clowns and tigers riding the rails
    It left that night in the cool moonlight
    Maxine in the belly of the whale

    Sweet Maxine
    Had a secret in her heart
    And a possum in her belly so proud
    With a man like Floyd
    Two was bad company
    Three surely was a crowd

    Not my circus, Not my monkeys
    Maxine's long gone, sniffing the seabreeze
    Floyd's in the backyard pushing up the daisies

    Not my circus, Not my monkeys
    Not my circus, Not my monkeys
    Not my circus, Not my monkeys

  • I see you chomping at the bit
    You sneaky little hypocrite.
    Darkest humour, fastest patter
    Ten dollar words designed to flatter

    Way you walk, all hips and swagger
    You can keep the cloak and dagger
    I’ll save you all the blow by blow
    This isn’t my first rodeo

    Giddy up baby, ain’t no sweat
    Rode in hard and put up wet
    You think you’re big but you ain’t no threat
    I don’t forgive and I don’t forget

    It’s been some years, and you don’t clock me
    You pour the drinks you think unlock me
    Your conversation’s overrated
    Should have left those words unstated

    It’s cute you think it’s your idea
    If it wasn’t mine, I wouldn’t be here
    Sorry babe, but soon you’ll know,
    This isn’t my first rodeo

    Giddy up baby, ain’t no sweat
    Rode in hard and put up wet
    You think you’re big but you ain’t no threat
    I don’t forgive and I don’t forget

    You caught the scent and chased the tail
    And used the lines that never fail
    Jaws open wide, teeth sharp and white
    Your thought you had me in your sights

    But I’ve learned fast and I’ll be blunt
    Nice try, my friend, that dog won’t hunt
    Get ready for the aftershow
    This isn’t my first rodeo

    Giddy up baby, ain’t no sweat
    Rode in hard and put up wet
    You think you’re big but you ain’t no threat
    I don’t forgive and I don’t forget

    You can lead my horse to water
    But you’ll never make her drink
    If you keep beating that dead pony
    By tomorrow it’ll stink
    You can say you’re not a zebra
    But I’ve seen those stripes before
    Back then I should have bolted
    But you locked the stable door

    I’m gonna leave you swinging high
    Eyeballs wet, the rest bone-dry
    Begging me to cut you down
    A whining little naked clown

    Let them free you in the morning
    Until then you’ll be a warning
    You screamed my name, so now you know
    This wasn’t my first rodeo

    Giddy up baby, ain’t no sweat
    Rode in hard and put up wet
    You think you’re big but you ain’t no threat
    I don’t forgive and I don’t forget

    Giddy up baby, ain’t no sweat
    Rode in hard and put up wet
    You think you’re big but you ain’t no threat
    I don’t forgive and I don’t forget

  • I saw a ring around the moon last night
    Now the morning sky’s gone red
    Tang of ozone hanging in the air
    A murder flying overhead
    The air is getting sticky
    There’s a rumble in the rain

    Hold on tight,
    Hold on tight,
    Hold on tight, my love
    The wind’s picking up and the weather’s about to change.

    A tightness binds my broken chest
    My hair’s gone wild around my head
    My brain is wrung completely dry
    And still I’m drenched with sweat
    My bones are aching fossils
    I haven’t slept in days

    Hold on tight,
    Hold on tight,
    Hold on tight, my love
    The wind’s picking up and the weather’s about to change.

    My heart has frozen deep inside
    I’ve stayed the storm with lies
    I’m a foghorn in the distance
    I can’t look you in the eyes
    I’ve started keeping secrets
    I’ve finished making plans

    Hold on tight,
    Hold on tight,
    Hold on tight, my love
    The wind’s picking up and the weather’s about to change.

    I saw a ring around the moon last night
    Now the morning sky’s gone red
    Tang of ozone hanging in the air
    A murder flying overhead
    The air is getting sticky
    There’s a rumble in the rain

    Let go my love,
    Let go my love,
    Let go my love,
    The wind’s picked up and the weather’s gone and changed

  • I’d probably be late for my own wedding
    I’d outdrink both your uncles at the bar
    I’d wear a dress your mama thinks is slutty
    ’d sneak downstairs and eat the caviar

    I’d make a speech revealing all your secrets
    I know that I’d dance madly with the band
    I’d disappear for hours with a bridesmaid
    But all I’d really want to do is hold your hand

    Because you know I need my feet under the covers
    Draw dirty pictures while I’m talking on the phone
    I talk to cats as if they’re tiny people
    I’ve killed every single plant I’ve ever owned.

    I check behind the shower curtain nightly
    I hit the snooze bar twenty-seven times
    I know exactly how to finish all your sentences
    Even though I never finish mine

    So join me at the table with the weirdos
    Where the lights are on but nobody's at home
    Where bats live in our overcrowded belfries
    And at night you’ll find us barking at the moon

    We’ve only got one oar in the water
    Our roof was never nailed on right
    Our elevator never makes it to the top floor
    And the cuckoos in our nest have taken flight

    It’s exhausting pretending to be normal
    You know I’ll never be a perfect wife
    But if you join me at the table with the weirdos
    I promise that I’ll love you all my life.

    You’ll find me at the table with the weirdos
    The ones that play the game with half a deck
    Our fruitcake may be nutty and our screws are mostly loose
    But we’re laughing as we go stark raving mad

    So join me at the table with the weirdos
    Where the lights are on but nobody's at home
    Where bats live in our overcrowded belfries
    And at night you’ll find us howling at the moon
    At night you’ll find us howling at the moon
    At night you’ll find us howling at the moon

  • I dreamed I was a pirate and my name was Anne Bonet
    A grey-eyed Irish bastard from the Wild Atlantic Way
    Shipped across the ocean where my mother died so young
    They left me with my father, who raised - me - as - a son

    My father sent me packing, found a sailor in my bed
    So I set fire to his lands, and left them both for dead
    I took up with a pirate king, Cutler Jack by name
    We loved and fought and plundered a cross - the - Spa - nish main

    Sweat pours from my skin, Tears seep from my eyes
    Blood rushes like a river yearning for the distant sea
    Ice runs through my veins, I pray it melts in spring
    I boil it off with rage
    Until I am - com- plet-ely dry

    We stole the good ship William in the night from Port Royal
    And set sail as a pirate crew, up through the grand canal
    And soon from Isla Muerta to Armadillo Bay
    Gold offered for the capture of the Ti-ny -Anne- Bonet

    A cutlass wielded in one hand, a pistol in the air
    A dirty scarf to bind my chest, another for my hair
    A jacket and men’s trousers and a pair of leather boots
    I cursed and stole and murdered and I - would - not - put - down roots

    Sweat pours from my skin, Tears seep from my eyes
    Blood rushes like a river yearning for the distant sea
    Ice runs through my veins, I pray it melts in spring
    I boil it off with rage
    Until I am - com- plet-ely dry

    The years spun through the golden age of piracy and lies
    Eventually my belly grew, ‘twas clear I was with child
    Set charts to birth (berth) in Cuba while the others pillaged on
    On our last night they drained the beer, and washed it down with rum

    When the moon went dark behind the clouds, the Englishmen attacked
    Jack was blinded with the drink, the rest were sleeping fast
    Around my swollen belly, I took up sword and gun
    And fought the English sailors while my crew - snored - sound - ly on

    I couldn’t kill them all, we were shipped to land in chains
    And they sent us to the gallows in the early morning rain
    The baby that I carried saved me from the rope
    But when Jackie climbed the scaffold, the words- flew- from -my throat

    “If you’d fought like a man you need not have hang’d like a dog” ~ Anne Bonet, 1720

    I dreamed I was a pirate and my name was Anne Bonet
    There’s an empty grave in Spanish Town where someone carved my name
    There is no record of my death but the stories still remain
    Of a tiny fearsome pirate with a thou-sand -diffe-rent names

    Beelzebub and Blunderbuss and Butcher of Belize
    Pocket-sized Poseidon and the Demon of the Deep
    Heavy Belly Bastard to the Curse of the Malay
    But in all the tales, the pirate's eyes were in-var-i-ab-ly grey.

    Sweat pours from my skin, Tears seep from my eyes
    Blood rushes like a river yearning for the distant sea
    Ice runs through my veins, I pray it melts in spring
    I boil it off with rage
    Until I am - com- plet-ely dry

  • Tick, tock, eyes on the clock
    I don't want to miss a moment with you
    Ho Hum, thought you’d never come
    But when you did, baby, how the time flew

    Once upon a time I was a state-of-the-art
    Two-time loser with a broken heart
    But everyone says third time’s a charm
    I want to spend every moment in your sweet arms

    You wind me up, baby with your perfect face
    And your hands running circles all over the place
    You ring my alarm before I buy the farm
    I just want to spend a moment with you

    Wasting my time, waiting through a month of Sundays
    Yesterday’s a memory and tomorrow’s a dream
    Make your mind up while the sun is still up
    Cause there's no thought worse than what might have been

    I want you to know, baby, when i’m making my vows
    That forever with me will be a whole lot of nows
    When the six o’clock whistle blows the end of my shift
    I’ll still be longing for a moment like this

    Tick, tock, turn back the clock
    I'll never miss another moment with you
    Ho Hum, thought you’d never come
    But when you did, baby, how the time flew.

  • My name is William Albert Fish, I live a quiet life
    In a tiny little town, with Gwendolyn my lovely wife
    In that churchyard long ago I handed her my heart
    And swore to love her faithfully til death plucked us apart
    My Gwendolyn has said so much since she marched me down the aisle
    Although I miss most of the words, I nod my head and smile

    [Gwendolyn]
    You're going bald on top, William, you bore me when you speak
    You snore at night, and I don't like Your spindly physique
    Your eyes are close together, your ears too far apart
    As we fall sleep each night, I listen to you farrrr..

    Twenty years I've longed to leave this godforsaken place
    You sit there with that feeble-minded Smile upon your face
    There's nothing like a pistol, a shovel and a hole
    A dark night and an alibi, to liberate the soul

    [William]
    I dream of far off places, sometimes I take a nap
    I'm warm beside the fire with the cat upon my lap
    Sweet Gwendolyn is generous, she knows so many words
    She's always busy sharing, my small talk's for the birds

    [Gwendolyn]
    You pay too much attention to that ugly smelly cat
    You drive the car too slowly and still it gets a flat.
    You don't know how to fix a thing, your kisses give me cramps
    I hate the way you chew your food, your hands are always damp

    The birthday gift you bought for me is stupid and I hate it
    But you don't make nearly enough money to replace it.
    There's nothing like some arsenic, a shovel and a hole
    A dark night and an alibi To liberate the soul

    [William]
    My name is William Albert Fish, I come home every night
    From my boring little job just hoping for a bite to eat,
    A quiet little supper suits me absolutely fine
    Stories on the telly and into bed by nine
    Dear Gwendolyn is waiting, she meets me at the door
    Her lips begins to flap before my slippers hit the floor

    [Gwendolyn]
    My friends all think you're stupid, and I do believe they're right
    You haven't got a clue I slept with your friend Gus last night
    There's nothing like a baseball bat, a shovel and a hole
    A dark night and an alibi, to send you straight to …

    [William]
    Hello operator, give me number nine,
    Me wife has tripped and fallen, and I do believe she's died
    My name is William Albert Fish, I stuck my foot out when she passed.
    I heard her tumble down the stairs, I think she's breathed her last
    Turns out there's nothing like a nasty fall, s shovel and a hole
    And a decent lawyer, to liberate her soul

    I visit you each Sunday, Gwen, just as the sun comes up
    You're quiet as a churchmouse, snd I love you quite a lot
    When I take my last breath they'll lay me next to you
    Here lies William Albert Fish, they'll say, In a quiet hole for two.

  • I tried to do my own arrangement of the 3/4 time Bob Dylan classic.
    And accidentally turned it into a murder ballad in 4/4 by changing a couple of the lines.

    Winterlude, Winterlude, oh darlin'
    Winterlude by the road tonight
    Tonight there will be no more quarrelin'
    Ev'rything is gonna be all right
    Oh, I see by the angel beside me
    That love has a reason to shine
    You're the one I adore,
    Have no fear, give me more
    Winterlude, I need to make you mine

    Winterlude, Winterlude, my little apple
    Lay down by the corn in the field
    Winterlude, let's go down to the chapel
    Can’t you see the way you make me feel
    We’ll come out when the ice begins to glisten
    By the sun, near the old crossroads sign
    The snow is so cold, but our love can be bold
    Winterlude, don’t be rude, please be mine

    Winterlude, Winterlude, my little daisy
    Winterlude by the telephone wire
    Winterlude, you made me crazy
    I can still smell the smoke from the fire
    The moonlight reflected from the window
    The snowflakes that covered you in white
    In the cold light of dawn, everything will be gone
    Winterlude, you’ll always be mine
    Winterlude, you’ll always be mine